Winning vs. Taking: What Does Winning Mean to Abusive, High-Conflict and/or Personality Disordered Women?
There's a new article on www.Shrink4Men.com that explores what "winning" means to abusive, high-conflict and/or personality disordered people. To an abusive BPD/NPD, "winning" is about taking from others, hurting and controlling them. Winning is not about working hard to achieve a goal. This explains why these individuals are rarely happy, even when they succeed in taking material assets, relationships and other tangible and intangible things from their victims.
Posted on October 3, 2012, in Active faith, Relationships and tagged Christian views on marriage, Christianity, Divorce, Marriage, personality disorders, relationships, Religion and Spirituality, spousal abuse. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.
This article and other info on Dr. T’s website was pretty hard, but eye-opening for me to read, as I got a clearer and clearer picture of who I was raised by–a Cluster B parent. This has left an indelible scar on my life. I agree with mark, the word on this type of person needs to get out, and how one deals with the repercussions in their life.
Couldn’t agree more. Maybe recognition is the first step to recovery for us all.
We have a long ways to go in the knowledge department. I have heard of husbands going tp their narcissist wife’s psychologist/counselor, for marriage counseling, only to be ganged up on by both of them.
The same thing often happens in churches. The husband gets framed as being the problem and gets ostracized. Agreed, we have such a lot to learn.
You are spot on correct about this. I have endured many hardships for eight years because my BPD/NPD wife had manipulated me into believing all of the problems we had were my fault. I am no saint, but I am not the source of all trouble either. I could not even be sick without her pileing guilt on me. I have a severe disability that will affect me for the rest of my life, and she knew this going into the marriage. It did not take long for her to reveal who she really was. I do not know why I stayed as long as I did. The final straw was when I caught her in an obvious lie from which there was no way out. What did she do? Kept lying, making it out to be my fault. This along with missing money, lack of empathy, a victims mentality, and acting as if the world owed her something was just too much. I had to leave.
Men need to wake up to what the Narcissistic woman can, and does do to them. Had I known about this disorder from the beginning things may have been different. When I found Dr. T, and some others covering this particular problem, as well as BPD, I found my answers, and do not feel guilty about leaving.
Thanks for blogging this. The word needs to get out that just agreeing with your wife is not the way to have a happy, and successful marriage. These types take advantage of good men, and drain them dry, emotionally, physically, and financially.
All The Best,
mark
Awesome comment, thanks for sharing so openly. You give a powerful reminder that we need balance in our marriages and in our approach to those who are experiencing marital difficulties. Simplistic platitudes do nothing to ease the huge pain, rigid attitudes leave people suffering beyond all reason. I’ve never heard any of what Dr T is addressing in any marriage seminar nor have I noticed it in books on Christian marriage – it’s like a huge blind spot and I suspect many counselors don’t get it either. That leaves many couples struggling with life-wrecking disorders with no help, only manipulation, guilt and self-destruction. We have a lot to learn about building and maintaining strong marriages.