People Are So Annoying!

“Where is my brother? Oh come on God, don’t act like you don’t know! He annoyed me so I did him in! He’ll never bother me again. Now that I am free of that little rat I can at last focus on making something out of my life. No one messes with me ‘cos I’m Mr. Ruthless.”  Cain probably wanted to answer something like this when God asked him about his brother but since he knew it wouldn’t go over too well he did well to avoid this line.

For us to answer a question like this we first need to know, “Who is my brother?” this question  has several answers, There’s blood relatives, there’s fellow believers, there’s fellow countrymen and in each of these cases we have a defined duty to care for each other, to look out for the best for each other, to maintain healthy relationships with each other. The more distant the relationship the lower the level of commitment becomes but it never goes away.

Blood relatives are the easiest for us to recognize as brothers. It’s easy logic to reach that conclusion. The Cain/Abel account tells us that we do have an obligation to control ourselves and guard our actions so that we don’t allow hate to fester and spill into harmful actions. On one hand this is a no-brainer; on the other it is incredibly difficult for many people to do. The problem revolves around our reluctance to forgive and keep short accounts, our willingness to assign motives to the actions of others (don’t need any facts for that) and the jealousy that inevitably grows in dysfunctional families. Our “brother” needs to be confident that we will never intentionally harm him and that he can rely on our support.

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Expect more trouble in recognizing “brothers” in other believers. Some folks are easy to love while others go to lengths to be difficult and obnoxious. All the struggles we have in getting along with others in ourfamilies of origin find expression in our relationships with other believers too. The problem revolves around our reluctance to forgive and keep short accounts, our willingness to assign motives to the actions of others (don’t need any facts for that) and the jealousy that inevitably grows in dysfunctional churches. Add to that any sense of personal inadequacy we have in ourselves and we have a formula for chaos. The apostle Paul ran into this sort of stuff so it isn’t new. Here’s how he put it, “If you have discovered the benefits from being in a living relationship with Jesus, then make my day by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Don’t do anything out of selfish ambition or vain conceit but instead be humble and consider that the others are better than you are. Each one of you should look beyond your own interests and focus on promoting the interests of others. That was the attitude Jesus demonstrated to us.”

 Do I need to do for my “brother” the things he can do for himself? No, this is not a guilt trip opportunity for people who can’t say no. We need boundaries and we need to have reasonable expectations for ourselves and each other. These boundaries and expectations are not of the legalist kind – no one needs to be into setting rules for other people and harshly criticizing any who fail to keep them. However each of us has the responsibility to stand on our own two feet and get on with the basics of living. The Cain / Abel account clearly tells us to make sure we don’t harm or destroy our brother by what we do or fail to do. It isn’t a mandate for anyone to become a slacker and a leach on others. We are expected to get on with being productive people, helping others when we can but avoiding the drain of co-dependency. We are our brother’s defender but not his enabler. The challenge is to control our own attitudes and thoughts so that we build positive relationships and promote the welfare of those around us. To be firm friends not mortal enemies! That outcome begins and develops inside our own heads as we learn how to control our attitudes and thoughts.

When the God who knows all things asks us, “Where is your brother?” we need to have a better answer than Cain had!

What is our answer?

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Related articles

See the previous posts on Cain and Abel  and the implications of Cain’s defense

• Brothers and Sisters (hseketa8.wordpress.com)
• 31 Quotes on Siblings (psychologytoday.com)
• I’m always right! (danielayad.wordpress.com)